your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
