my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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