you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
