That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
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