Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
