thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Randomize
