A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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