man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
