My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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