I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
