My sheets look like a crime scene.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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