Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
