Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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