First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
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