the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
The beer is more important than you right now.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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