your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
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