I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I don't �care how much you're grieving �a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.�
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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