Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
