While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize
