Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
