why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
