Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
