If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
