So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
She bit a glass in half.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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