Buhtt sex?
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
