U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Randomize
