things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Randomize
