i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
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