just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
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