So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
