Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
