Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
