I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
