I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
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