sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Randomize
