you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
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