you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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