Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Randomize
