I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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