Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
