You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
