I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
