I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
