sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
