I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
