Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Is her dick bigger than yours?
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