hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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