my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Randomize
