"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
