just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
